My first movie review from Ology. Before I wrote it, I read a ton of Ebert reviews and actually pretended that I was Ebert. I find his conversational style far less pretentious than the writers who dash off proclamations in reviewer-ese.

When I sat down to write I wasn’t certain how to begin even though I had managed my own movie blog for more than a couple of years. That ended a while ago, so I turned to dependable old Ebert for inspiration. But see that ham sandwich reference? That’s all me, baby.

Here’s a summary. The entire review is up at Ology.com.

When a Russian gangster is caught by the police after a particularly nasty killing spree, his boss goes after the captured man’s sister to keep him from saying the kinds of things that put mafia bosses in jail. The four hit men he sends after the girl are guys with nicknames like Kid, Beef, and Whiz –– men who break a guy’s feet with the same ease with which you and I buy a delicious ham sandwich.

The hit men’s target, Angela (who has her own nickname: Alien Girl), is sexy and smart enough to realize that only Whiz is young and naive enough to help her survive. Their sex scene is a foregone conclusion, as is the rest of the film. In one scene, where Whiz agonizes over his plans for betrayal, this kind of anticipation is a good thing. Just about everywhere else, however, it enforces a plodding pace through gun fights and torture scenes that would be a lot more meaningful if at least one person seemed like a halfway decent human being.

In retrospect, I may have been too harsh in assigning a rating of 1.5 stars out of 5. I think that it was difficult for me to ignore how, in the hands of Quentin Tarentino, this film could’ve been a classic.